Hey asshole, why'd ya hafta hit my car?

So dudes, check it out. Some dipshit totally hit my car this morning while I was inside delivering the savory and delicious homemade cream cheeses that I make for my coffeeshop. Oh the folly! Oh the savagery and remorselessness of it all. This is the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of everything ever! WHHHHHhhyyyyy! No one has ever been as sad as I am right now. Look upon me and know that no matter who you are, wherever you are, your life is pretty fuckin sweet compared to mine. No wait, don't look at me, I am too pathetic and pitiable to be looked upon. YYyyarrrrg! Whhhyyy! Sweet oblivian, embrace me...

Okay. My mom said I should put some tape on it or something. I might. Well I probably will.